Three Big Brothers? Becoming a reality!

We began this blog as a way to journal our adoption journey. Several months ago we felt God clearly closing all the doors that led to adoption. We were very saddened over this, but maybe even more than sad, confused as to why we have this desire in our hearts just to find that it is not for us. The best consolation I could find was that we are all adopted and given an absolute place in the Kingdom of Heaven even though we personally did nothing to “deserve” it. We are each chosen by the King Himself. I would love to say that we were able to choose all of our children because of the amazing qualities I see in each of them, but instead, God saw each of us and put our family together just as He saw fit. And I believe God saw deep into our hearts and knew how to fill the desires there! It is with greatest joy that I announce that my three sons are going to be BIG BROTHERS!! (Okay, so most of you are saying OLD NEWS. Well, that's because I wrote this before we had announced this but haven't made time to post!) As we enter into this fourth pregnancy we do so in a much different place than when we entered the first three. For one, we are not having three babies within the next 3 years, as far as we know! That alone will make this time a bit easier! And two, these three boys are amazingly helpful and independent. They are very excited and I can imagine they will be a great help. And for a third main difference, we are Army now and I have no idea where I will deliver this child. My best guess is somewhere in Germany!

Now, to tell you the fun story of how I shared the news with Matt: On Saturday, July 11^th Matt helped some friends move into a new home. I had the boys all day for a fun set of adventures, including the Olympic Training Center and Focus on the Family. After all that fun stuff the boys and I headed home. On the way I stopped at the Dollar store and purchased a pregnancy test (yes, they sell them and yes, they are accurate). I got the boys home and down for a nap and could barely wait to get that test taken. I have seen my share of negative tests so on some levels I expected it to be negative. When I saw the evaporation line go past where the “Positive” line would be I immediately wrote it off as another negative. I waited about 30 more seconds and checked back to see TWO BEAUTIFUL LINES!!

(Yes, I took a picture!) I couldn’t believe it! I had to re-read the package to make sure I was seeing the right thing and snapped that shot so I could prove it to myself and to Matt later. Let’s just say the next few hours of keeping my secret were quite difficult!

That evening we had planned on taking the boys to the Dollar Theater (do you see a recurring theme, here?) to watch Hannah Montana. Pretty cute movie, I must say! After we left there I had to twist Matt’s arm to go to Outback (okay, maybe he was easy to convince) for a Bloomin’ Onion and Salad meal. This is our cheap way to go out nice…we share an onion and salad. I gave Matt his gift which happened to be a baby girl’s bathing suit I had found at the Dollar store…theme continued!

The waiter witnessed this, but we were in our own world and didn’t realize this till later. Matt just grinned and I got some pictures, mostly of Matt with his eyes shut!

During the meal we found the waiter to be extra nice, bringing Matt an extra salad at no charge and then he brought the boys an ice cream sundae, again, at no charge.

It was not till later that we realized he had been there when Matt opened the present and had probably even noticed me taking pictures (who can miss the Nikon?!?). No wonder he was being so nice! On the way home I played a song I had downloaded for Matt. I think it’s called “King of the World,” by Point of Grace. From the point of a daughter telling her dad that if she is his princess he must be king of the world!

(These are of the boys at Outback!)

So let me say this regarding the gender of this child… J We both would really love to have a daughter. We have the privilege of raising three mighty men of God and would love the opportunity to raise a daughter of the King. However, we both know that there our chances are just about 52/48...52 girl/48 boy (and yes, I researched that!) so pretty much 50/50. And if we end up having a fourth son, we will count ourselves among the few who are blessed with 4-of-a-kind set of children and will accept the challenge of raising four amazing men!

As for names, I am intrigued by the always-present debate as to whether or not to tell people the names parents-to-be have selected. Some people are afraid others will either steal the names or express their dislike of them. Well, Matt and I really don’t care what others think so we will share the names we have picked out! Take ‘em if you want, but that won’t stop us from using them!! Like ‘em or not… but if the latter, feel free to keep that to yourself! J

So, to wrap this entry up, we will be moving to Germany* sometime in the winter and welcoming either Anna Caroline or Parker Madison into our family sometime in March! One interesting thing I am sure of is the due date: March 18^th, 2010! Bailey’s 6^th Birthday!

*See upcoming post.

Keep your hands inside the ride at all times...

This is what you hear before the roller coaster begins moving.  It is also the point where if you scream loud enough, they will let you off.  At this point, you have waited in the line and the anticipation grows to a point that seems almost unbearable.  As you sit in the seat and lower the bar that is intended to keep you safe throughout the ride, you may wonder if you have made a wise decision.  While they are giving the instructions, you have a last moment to jump out before the press that button that starts the journey.  

We are there.  The adoption agency has given us the warnings and the instructions.  And we are at the point where we are to begin paying for things.  (Not that one can put a price on a child or, even more importantly, on obedience to the Father.)  We think there might be an issue with a particular medicine Matt has been on because China has very strict rules about who can adopt their children.  For example, you have to be a certain age, under a certain Body Mass Index, they even ask if you have any facial deformities.  We simply can't lie about the medication, but we hate to proceed with a part that will cost us financially if we will most likely be denied.  

As a result of this I have felt a bit deflated today.  I know God talks to us...He reveals His will to us.  If this is the end of our adventure, even though we never even got the safety belts latched, why all the confirmations and heart yearnings for a daughter from China?  

I trust His plan.  But I'm a mommy who feels like she's missing a child, and Matt feels the same way.  He is comforting me and reminding me that God will make a way if it is meant to be.  He said this might just be one of several hiccups along the ride.  My calm, cool, and collected husband is right and I believe that if God has a plan for us to adopt, it will happen and in His timing.  However, He may simply have placed this desire in our hearts as a way to remind us of our own adoption into His family.  At this point I don't know.  

Until then, however, we will focus on the time of reintegration we are facing!  And speaking of that, I can't believe Matt flies out of Liberty in just five or six days! (Remember, it will still be several days after that before he gets home.  Don't worry:  I will post it here and on facebook as soon as I have specific information!!)  WHOO-HOO!!  I can't wait until we are sitting together at the dinner table and eating as a family.  I've left Matt's bedroom slippers by his side of the bed the entire time.  The post it notes he wrote for us before he left in DEC 07 are still all over the house.  I bought a 4-10 CAV car magnet that is currently attached to the fridge so it doesn't get faded on his car in the meantime.  So many tiny things that are about to come full circle.  

***  I wrote this on 5-29-09, but had to run it by Matt before posting it.  Today, however, I have received the most amazingly sweet email from Matt with all the encouragement I needed and no longer feel deflated!    Here are parts of it, to leave you with both of our points of view regarding this roller coaster:

 I know God will provide, even if it's another biological child. I have always wanted a little girl that looks just like you, but maybe with curly blonde hair.

I don't have a lack of faith, but I just can't see God telling us to jump into that much debt.  He is big enough to work it out, or to give us a biological daughter, or son for that matter.  I know you are deflated, and I am too, but I do have a peace about it. I have no idea what's going to happen, but I am ok with that.  We have to be careful that this pursuit doesn't adversely affect our marriage.  We are not in any rush.  People our age are just now starting to have kids and we 

already have three.  I believe we will have another child sometime in the not so distant future.  I want to spend the next couple of months focusing on you and the boys since it's been so long since we've been together.  

I love you so much.  I love your mother's heart...it's one of the things that attracted me to you long before you had Hayden.  I know that heart is breaking because of the longing for a daughter.  I wish I could heal your heart, but I know Jesus can and he wants to.  I think the place in your heart that longs for another child will be filled one day, and I don't think it will be that long.  I love you, beautiful.  One thing I do know, if we do have a daughter she will have me wrapped just like you
do.  I love you, babe...5 days until I wave goodbye to Baghdad. 

No place like home...

We have now heard where we are going... drum roll please............

FORT CARSON, COLORADO!!!

 

(This photo was taken of the boys in May at Spring Canyon.  A place we have grown to love and I'm sure we'll make it back there a couple of times before we move!)

Yep!  Staying right here!  We were gearing up for a big move, possibly one to Germany, and of course, hearing that we aren't moving has left us just a tiny bit deflated, though I say "tiny bit" with absolutely no sarcasm.  We are deflated only because we had prepared ourselves, had started to let go of things we love here, in preparation to leave.  It's something you have to do as a military family and it's actually quite healthy.  I have been thinking for a few months that I may have to leave the church I loved at first sight, the friends I've made (at least the ones who aren't PCSing...some are leaving ME, which is a completely different post with a completely different set of emotions...), the house we are so comfortable in...  One must do this in order to be fully "there" when you get to the next place.  Some people get so attached to where they are that they simply can't leave it emotionally, and when they get to their new duty station, they find it difficult to make friends, enjoy their new surroundings, or settle in.  Not this girl!  I'm up for adventure of any kind, and so I was preparing myself for the next PCS, type of adventure.  

As I sit here and write, however, the excitement is growing inside me because this will absolutely make our adoption adventure much easier!  (In fact, I just paused to email our Intercountry Adoption Coordinator to give her the news!)  Now I can start to allow my heart to wrap itself back around the things we love here.  I give that word, in this case, a lot of weight.  I love my coffee, and am currently drinking out of a mug my mother-in-love gave me years ago...it has pictures of Matt and me at around 17, 18 years old.  I love my coffee (and my sweet mug).  But that is a different love than the love we have for Colorado.  We love this place, the lack of humidity, the temperatures, the mountains, the snow, our church, and our friends.  We know the friends we have will weave in and out of our lives again.  This is hard.  For example, TJ and Stephanie are both moving away from me, and I will certainly grieve, and it has already begun, as the tears in my eyes reveal.  I had not yet started to think of not being with Stephanie as we thought we'd be together in Germany.  That will be very hard.  But God is so GOOD and has provided me with so many friends here who I don't have to leave.  I may get in trouble for not mentioning all of them, but one for sure stands out in my mind.  I am so glad I get to be by Corie's side as she begins her first deployment.  Not that I am all that helpful, but I can do some babysitting, for sure!  I love her with a deep love that comes from God.  It was immediate and strong, and I know God put her here for me.  She has been such a blessing to me and I can only pray that the Lord finds unique ways to bless her through me.  

To sum up my current feelings on not moving, I am just a bit disappointed that that adventure is going to be put on hold (because in the Army, it is never far away) but overwhelmingly excited that I get to stay in the place I love, with people I love, and most of all WITH MY ABSOLUTELY HANDSOME PRINCE CHARMING!   

I must write this.  Last night I was watching "The Prince and Me II" and I was swept away in the romance of it all.  At the end where the Prince-turned-king kisses his bride, I thought, "Oh, nice pants...I love a man in uniform."  Then it hit me.  I actually DO love a man in uniform, and it looks a bit like that one!  I love to go out with Matt at any time, but put him in his dress blues and my heart starts flipping all over the place!  My fairy tale came true, and I never dreamed that a dashing uniform would be part of it!  

Not long now and he'll be boarding a plane for Kuwait.  I guess I will give you the breakdown of what we are expecting:

4 FEB - leave Baghdad (Camp Liberty) for Kuwait.  Short flight.

He could be in Kuwait for 36 hours 

8 FEB - leave Kuwait - if all goes well, it is about a 24 hour journey from Kuwait to Colorado Springs.  He'll have a few stops and we're praying they are SHORT stops!

10 FEB - Arrive here in CO!  It could be earlier, could be later.  I have no way of knowing.  He might arrive in the middle of the night and the boys and I will pop out of bed and go to the Special Events Center to welcome our Hero home!   You can bet I'll update then!

From One Adventure to Another

So we stand here at the end of one adventure and the beginning of another. Matt is due to come home in just a couple of weeks after being in Iraq for over 14 months. We are ready to end that adventure, though the time has been truly blessed. We have already begun the next adventure...our journey to bring a daughter into our home! As I write, we have filled out the preliminary application for Bethany Christian Services. Our next step is a physical and blood tests which will determine whether or not China will even accept us as an adoptive family. Soon I will write the journey we've taken this point in how we chose China, but now is not the time.

We are so excited about this adventure and pray that you will join us in prayer. I know God has His perfect timing and that with my finite mind, I can't even comprehend what He has in store for us, but I know His plan is going to be amazing!

We love you!
~Jennifer, Matt, and the "three big brothers"