When did time grow wings? It's FLYING!

So, my baby is now 5 weeks old. How in the world did 5 weeks pass so quickly? Though I cannot answer that question I can say I knew it would be this way. I am amazed at the transformation of a family. Though much of our life resembles before Parker arrived, some aspects are different. For one, my three oldest children have, for the first time, fallen head over heals over someone. When Carson and Bailey were born, the older sibling(s) were still so young that the addition of another person went unnoticed for the most part. The rules were simple: "Don't touch the baby." Okay, that was only one rule, but it worked. Now, at ages 8, 7, and 6, the addition of another person is a really big deal. Each boy wants to show his affection and this leads us to the rules... which are multiple and not simple in any way. "Support his head." "Don't touch his face with dirty hands." "Don't try to carry the baby...stay seated." And to make these many rules more clear, the boys and I headed to ACS for a "Big Brother" class. (Note: This class does not exist. I emailed the contact listed on the New Parent Support Program website and the contact created this class just for us!) She was able to show the boys some calming techniques, to remind them of the very rules I repeat over and over, and she showed them the dangers of shaking a baby. She had two dolls with clear heads, each revealing a brain. One of those dolls demonstrated how the brain moves inside the skull, the other doll cries and, when shaken, parts of the visible brain flash. Drawn on the brain are small images of eyes, feet, hands, mouth, etc and the light flashing shows what part of the brain was damaged: the part that controls sight, speech, walking, etc. My boys had never considered shaking Parker, of course, but the lesson was great for them to hear. And it stuck with them. Bailey's first words to me this morning were, "We should never shake Parker like this..." (said while shaking his blanket). I agreed wholeheartedly and told him that there is a dad in the US guilty of shaking his baby and the baby died. Bailey's face drained and actually went white. He had not even considered that someone HAD ever done this to a baby. He just thought it was a warning of what NOT to do. It really hit him hard.

That class was great and I am so thankful for LaTasha taking the time to organize it and present it to us.

Hayden, Carson, and Bailey love to hold Parker and adore hearing his grunts, burps, and toots. (We don't say fart. Okay, yes we do, but we also like Brad Stine and think he's hilarious! Click here to find out why!) If they walk into a room and I'm not holding him the first thing they say is, "Where's Parker?!?" They line up to hold him and WATCH OUT if I let the wrong brother hold Parker out of turn! They have fallen head over heals in love and I think it's precious! I have to add this: Bailey had picked out a nick-name for Parker before he arrived: Parky. Well, he has ended up calling him "Teensy." It's absolutely adorable!

At 4 weeks old Parker started making "cooing" faces. It really looked like he was trying to talk. His favorite spot in the house is on his changing table. He loves to look at the patterns on the quilt hanging on the wall. It was on this table that he started making faces that resembled those my other boys made when they were cooing. Well, today, at 5 1/2 weeks, he cooed for the first time! One "awwwwooohhh" and it was over, but I was excited. I must write now that I admit to being one of those moms who spends 2 years teaching her child to talk and the next several asking him to be quiet.

Today we had our first scare. I haven't even had a chance to tell Matt yet. I had put him in his car seat and driven over to pick up an extra kid to take to PWOC. While there he cried during the process of getting that other seat loaded and the child buckled in. This didn't concern me because I know that he fusses until we get going. Well, about the time I started to get the car turned around (takes about 39 points to get the XL van turned around in this driveway built for a SmartCar) he got really worked up. By the time I was pulling forward he had stopped breathing. He was only able to suck in a VERY small amount of air. I stopped and got him out as quickly as possible, saying aloud a quick prayer. His lips were slightly blue. As soon as I got him out he cried very loudly for about 5 seconds and then was fine. I, however, was not. I spent a few minutes holding him until I was sure he was fine. I buckled him back in and he slept through the process and all the way to PWOC. Once I got there I took him out and held him the entire time. I didn't want to put him down or look away. So, we've gotten that out of the way. He doesn't have to scare me like that again!

Because I haven't blogged in a while I want to cover a few things simply because I love to journal.

During the two weeks after Parker was born people delivered meals to us almost every night. I didn't cook for several weeks and let me say, it was fabulous! The food was great and we were so blessed to not have to think about what to prepare! And if you recall, I had created MANY meals and frozen them for that time period. That means I am STILL not having to cook! I just thaw a meal and serve it to my family! Thank you to each lady who took the time and effort to provide for us! You were such a blessing, and that blessing is still reaching to me today, 5 weeks later!

Mom and Dad headed back to the states and life resumed. We have a new normal, for sure, but it, for the most part, resembles our old normal. The first 2 weeks back to school were rough, as the boys and I are all ready for summer break. It was taking us SO long to finish each day that I thought we might never see the end. But now we are back on track and have 15 days left! Can't wait!

Parker's sleeping habits are doable. He wakes up once a night, something that Bailey had quit by this point, but I don't think I was putting Bailey to bed as early as I am Parker. The hardest part is that he is not happy for an hour or so each night and I just hate to see him that way. As happy as he is all day it's hard to see him grumpy. He gets his "exercise" during this time...

As far as world news, the volcanic ashes flowing through the air stream has affected our lives. We have friends stranded in Portugal, Ireland, here (some trying to get to the US, some trying to get back to England) and Greece. Amazing that this volcano so far away is grounding flights here in Europe!

We had our family pictures taken Saturday and I am SO excited. The picture of Parker with Matt's hand on his head is my absolute favorite. If you're in Germany, you must check out Jessica Ceason. Amazing photographer (and fellow Army wife, if I may say so!)! And here is what she had to say about our family. We had a blast during the shoot. We just went to a park and had fun! She came along and snapped pics the whole time. Great plan if you ask me!!

Induced, third and final found... (Warning: Birth Story)

13 March

As I write the title to this blog I remember the feelings of the night before, wondering if Parker would ever be born! I can say, thankfully, that he was born!

This is the fairly-graphic story of his birth, so if you don't want to read details, suffice it to say that he's here now and you can close this window. (You can scroll down to the bottom for quick stats!)

The night's sleep in the hospital was just fine. I had a roommate who was also an Army wife. Her husband was deployed and she was at 28-29 weeks gestation and hospitalized to stop labor. We chatted for a while and then I had to go back downstairs for 30 minutes of fetal monitoring. When I got back we were both ready for bed and fell asleep quite easily. When I woke up I wanted to get a shower immediately, but I was afraid that she'd wake up and need to use the bathroom, only to find it occupied. There is NO privacy in the bathroom so I had to lock the door. The shower had no shower curtain, just a glass wall. I waited for about 30 minutes and finally the "transport team" got her up and rolled her downstairs for her fetal monitoring. That gave me the perfect chance to shower. I had only one problem at this point. My IV was still in my hand, though I was not attached to any meds. I asked a nurse what to do and she brought me a "hand-shoe" and a roll of tape. This was a latex glove which I put on and taped as tightly as possible, allowing myself the opportunity to shower.

At 8:15 am I headed down to the on-floor cafeteria reserved for the new mommies and their babies. It was hard to see other mommies sitting and eating with their new babies resting contently in their rolling bassinets. I was pretty sure I'd be here for weeks hoping Parker would one day choose to come. I was still having to test my blood sugar so I needed to be good. I ate a roll with butter and a little jelly, diabetic yogurt, and my splurge was a small glass of OJ. (I avoided the "bad" foods like Nutella and Bananas...) I can't tell you just how odd it is to see bread and deli meats for breakfast... it's the European thing to do, I guess. Later I would be given a "look" by a nurse for having enjoyed that OJ as my blood glucose levels were elevated... but it was so good!

I was due downstairs at 9:00 but at 8:45 I was back in my room and had cleaned my side as well as I could, locking my suitcase and computer in the closet. I was told I'd most likely be returning to this room tonight so I didn't have to move everything. I headed downstairs early with a bag of snacks (again, thanks to Heather for the tip to bring my own snacks) and my the closest thing I had to a "best friend," my iPhone. I was told to sit at the little waiting area in the hallway and was only left there about 5 minutes before they had me in my room. It was a 2-bed room rather than the 3-bed room, and I was fortunate that I never had a roommate on this day. I was able to labor in privacy. I got into a room and by 9:00 am I was hooked up to the fetal monitor which revealed one by-myself-contraction. Matt and mom were at home getting ready to come to visit with me.

I was aware that we were starting the day with Cervidil and that means a 2 hour confinement to the bed so I had avoided coffee like the plague. I really consumed as little liquid as possible, thus preparing myself for a much more comfortable bed-rest. At 9:30 Bettina came in and checked me. She found that I had gone from 2 cm to 1 cm (how frustrating to go backwards) but that I was still soft. She gave me the cervidil and my wait began. Mom and Matt arrived and we really enjoyed some quiet conversation, something I don't get very often. In fact, I live a life of interrupted conversation. I think it's funny to watch a group of ladies with children in tow trying to hold a conversation. We tend to get partially done with one story, deal with kids, start back up on a new conversation to return to the original one eventually... or not. Sometimes we email each other "the rest of the story" because we never got around to finishing it in person. But Saturday was a day that provided me great conversation with both my mom and husband. Good day!

At 11:30 I was released to walk the hospital. The three of us went down to the cafeteria for lunch, which was immeasurably better than what they serve in the labor rooms. I had a small sandwich and a great cup of coffee. If you're ever at HSK and want to enjoy the best coffee available in a hospital, order a "Latte Macchiato mit vanilla" and add a single packet of sugar. YUM! As good as any Starbucks I've had here in Germany! (The strangest thing was that they serve it in a glass cup, like one you'd expect to get a coke in.) I was having regular contractions but they were not too painful. In fact, yesterday's contractions at this point were a lot more promising, not allowing me to even eat lunch. We shopped around in the lobby shop and then I headed back upstairs for 30 minutes of monitoring. They had placed the wireless monitor on another laboring mom so I was confined to my bed for the half-hour, which was fine.

(This is where it starts to get a bit more graphic. You have been warned.)

I really had to pee but for some reason I couldn't pee while sitting on the toilet. I had to get Matt to give me a bedpan and then I could stand and empty my bladder. The only problem was that I couldn't fully empty. I'd get a little out and then another contraction would come, making it uncomfortable to try. I did this at least 4-5 times throughout the day. {Looking back I believe Parker's head was coming down and blocking my urethra. Later on during delivery when I was given my epidural my midwife gave me a catheter. I was so happy, expecting the sweet relief of an empty bladder, but she told me that my bladder was already empty. The pressure to pee was the need to push. (This was the case when I was in labor with Carson as well. I had called in a nurse to tell her that I felt like my catheter had come out, that I really needed to pee. That nurse checked my catheter, assured me it was intact and all was well, but that she wanted to get my midwife to check me. After Sage came in she confirmed that it was "time" and within 12 minutes of pushing Carson arrived. Evidently I don't get the typical urge to "poop" that most women feel.)}

At 1:30 I was allowed to get up out of the bed and walk the hospital again. At this time my contractions were very strong and long lasting. The three of us walked laps around the hospital, though there were old ladies with canes passing me. We went to the lobby to purchase today's Wiesbaden newspaper so we could save it for Parker. Matt and I honestly debated buying it because we were still not convinced Parker was going to make his debut. We didn't want to waste the money buying one too early but I wanted to err on the side of caution and get it just in case. I would rather have one from a day too early and have to buy the new one the next day (or the next or the next or the next) than not get it and end up forgetting it in the excitement of our son's arrival.

Additional memories from my hours of walking:

• I remember thinking about the other visits to hospitals I've made and seen ladies in labor walking. I have never been "one of those ladies" as my water tends to break and I end up laboring in the bed. Now I have joined the ranks of the "hospital walkers."

• Only in Germany will you see a man in the cafe pushing his IV with one hand and carrying his beer to his table with the other hand.

• The sandwiches were made with really hard bread but were very tasty. The pretzels were really yummy but my favorite was the coffee! Oh that reminds me, the macchiato ice cream is fantastic!

• In the lobby, right beside the regular paper and at knee level (therefore kid level), was a newspaper with a totally nude couple on the front. By nude, I mean, NUDE, with nothing blurred or covered. And the photo was only of the couple from waist to knees. Got the image? Gross.

• I passed by a particular window several times and I can remember trying to spot my room from the hallway. It took until after I had Parker to figure out which one was mine!!

• There was a smell of something burning near our set of elevators, which made me quite happy to walk the stairs as often as possible. We never did figure out what the smell was but it was very strong!

• At one point Matt went out to car to get drinks out of the cooler. We didn't bring that in but had a stash of "wasser-still," Coke, Dr. Pepper, and Diet Coke in the car.

• I was wearing my green maternity shirt and jeans.

• One time we were heading to the room going past the OB clinic and a man came walking in holding his nose which looked to be bleeding profusely. I decided very quickly that I did NOT want to go that direction so we made a 180 and went a different direction! Grossed me out, and blood doesn't normally do that to me.

• As I was walking I had to stop and hold onto rails in hallway, breathe through contractions, and pause conversation. It took about 30 min to get from our room to the cafe due to stopping for contractions, while walking at a normal pace one could get there in five minutes. Looking back at the time I spent walking I know I had done much of my laboring in public. I didn't know it at the time, but I was actually "getting somewhere" with all that walking in circles.

• I had to keep telling Matt I had reached my "top speed." He had a hard time walking slow enough for me to keep up.

At 2:30 we headed back to my room because I was just getting too uncomfortable. That, and there were only so many laps of the hospital one can make. I had looked at all I could (or was willing to) look at in the lobby store. I was not interested in getting into the bed as standing was how I was most comfortable. I remember soon after getting into my room feeling uncomfortably hot. I looked at the heater and found it was already off. I needed to find a way to get air but couldn't figure out the windows. It looked like the needed some type of tool to get them to work. I stepped into the hallway and found my midwife who was able to open a window immediately. I remember the look on her face when she saw the look on mine. I think she saw a change in my laboring at that point, but I still wasn't grasping what was going on. (In all 3 of my other labors I had been resting in the bed, napping, or chatting with family and friends during this stage.) During contractions I would open the window wide and breathe through the pain, closing it once it passed. I would get cold between contractions if I left the window open. At this point mom and Matt were holding conversations between the two of them keeping me from having to participate, but I would talk every now and then when I could.

At three o'clock Bettina came back to see if I was ready for Pitocin or another dose of Cervidil. I was fairly certain it was going to be the disappointing cervidil and I was going to be sent back upstairs to sleep it off only to try again tomorrow. However, while she was checking me she said she wanted to feel a contraction. It felt like forever before the next one came but as soon as it did, my water broke naturally! She had gotten the "knitting needle" out in preparation for breaking my water (mom told me this later, as I never saw it) but nature worked its course! I had been in such a pattern of strong contractions that the relief of this was not nearly as strong as I expected it to be. I remember thinking, "Man, I really should be excited beyond belief but for some reason I'm sort of numb." Well, numb is a bad description as I was anything but numb physically... mentally, maybe, but I was feeling EVERYTHING physically, let me tell ya! The contractions that started after my water broke were back-to-back and very strong. I had progressed to 3 cm, which didn't encourage me. I wanted to hear I was at a 7!!

The above image shows me in labor after my water broke. Notice the "hand-shoe" I'm clutching. I describe it somewhere in a following paragraph.

At 3:35 I was moved to the delivery room (though I don't know how dilated I was). I don't remember this, but I'm 99% sure I had to walk there. It wasn't a long walk, just across the hall. At this point I'm pretty sure I was asking for my epidural. The anesthesiologists were both in surgery so I had to to wait on one to arrive. Oh, I remember one embarrassing moment. You hear of women screaming all sorts of interesting things during labor. I didn't do that, but I had lost my "filter." At one point while my midwife was helping me get situated in the delivery bed I said, "I smell cigarettes." Either she smokes or had recently been outside with friends who were smoking. The pregnant nose is SUPER sensitive, though normally I would have smelled it and kept my mouth shut about it. I was embarrassed that I had spoken without thinking first. (Epidurals do wonders at helping me keep my filter in place... no epi, no filter.) Regarding that missing filter, I remember telling Bettina a rumor I had heard: that the L&D staff in Germany doesn't think epi's are necessary and often don't let American women get them thinking that if German women can do it al naturale, American women can, too. Bettina assured me that that is not so and true to her word, the anesthesiologist arrived at 4:15.

By 4:30 my epidural had been put in. I had Matt "brush" my back with the brush we use on Bailey, to help me be less ticklish. I don't think it really worked, and I still jumped a few times. When the epidural was being inserted I felt a strange sensation in my left leg, felt like a prick or something. I didn't say anything about it as I was trying to be still. The doctor said he would stay until I was comfortable. I was so relieved that relief was on its way but the contractions in the meantime were pretty strong. I have long nails and I didn't have good control of my hands during contractions so mom made me a "squeeze-ball" out of a glove stuffed with paper towels. I used this in my left hand to squeeze and I squeezed Matt's hand with my right. During contractions my arms would tense up and shake uncontrollably. They were pretty rough, and I remember being close to tears (and I'm sure I shed some) after every contraction, saying "I want my epidural to work!" The doc would walk over to me and administer more drugs. I was not hooked up to an IV drip bag of meds like I had been during my other three deliveries. He would just give a shot of medicine into a thingy near my left shoulder. I guess because they knew I wasn't going to be hooked up to it for a very long period of time, though I STILL thought I was in for a long wait.

The next 30 minutes are quite a blur, and I'm sure when watch the video I'll remember more. (I wanted to journal from memory first, THEN add to it after I've watched the video.) Later mom told me there came a point when the midwife and anesthesiologist spoke in fast German and the doc left, after telling me that he was sorry it hadn't worked. (At least I think he did... if that's a figment of my imagination, I'll correct this later... I need to ask Mom and Matt...) I remember telling them I needed to pee. Someone (Bettina, I think) inserted a catheter and assured me that my bladder was empty, confirming that the pressure I was feeling was Parker, not urine. Next thing I know Bettina was telling me that if I wanted to push I could. I can't wait to go and watch the video because time was standing still and I was really focused on getting through each contraction. They were horrible, but nothing like what I expected "real labor" to be. Looking back I am sure I could have delivered all 4 of my boys without epidurals as had I not had Pitocin (with Hayden & Bailey). On one hand, the pain sucked, was the worst, strongest pain I'd ever felt, but it was not nearly as bad as I had always imagined. On the other hand, if I were to go back and have all these babies again, I'd have 4 working epidurals. No need to feel that pain if not necessary, but on the other hand (what's that make, three hands now?!?!) I am glad to know I can deliver naturally.

At some point, not sure the exact time but I'm guessing around 5 (I can correct that after watching the video) Bettina told me that very soon I could push if I felt the need. I remember I was getting to the point where it hurt SO badly and I could hardly bear it any more. I think this might be called, "transition." (In fact, I just googled it and it was, in fact, transition.) I remember mom telling me that I was going feel much better as soon as I could push and relieve some of the pressure. I was not convinced, but listened to Bettina as she told me to get turned on my right side. I was confused by this as I had delivered my first three babies in the traditional, "made for t.v." position. She explained something I had never heard before... My spine ran from my neck to my tail bone and when seated in the traditional position baby had to come down the canal then back up over the tailbone that was being pressed upward by the pressure of me sitting on it. If I were to lie on my right side and rest my left leg on her right shoulder, that bone would bend out of the way making it much easier for baby to come out. I was down with that. I felt bad that my leg might weigh 100 lbs and break her clavicle but she assured me that it was fine. I pushed and, just like mom said, felt much relief. When I was in the pushing stage with Hayden they brought me a mirror. I would push and see his head make ever so slight movements, then when the contraction ended, he'd go back in a bit. Well, that was discouraging so I had them remove that mirror. I wanted to "think" that every push brought him closer to deliver and that he did NOT go backwards at all. So, during my pushing stage with Parker I naturally assumed that he was making very slow progress and quite possibly going back in with each break. After one of the contraction they said, "freeze." I had never heard that in labor before and wanted to know if that was what I really heard, meaning to STOP PUSHING or if they were yelling to "PUSH" in German. I asked and I remember mom telling me to stop pushing. Not sure why they told me to stop but before long I was able to push again. After the 4th contraction he was here. As soon as he was born they placed him on my chest and he didn't cry for a long time. I though he was choking but everyone assured me he was just fine. He eventually did cry and I remember saying at one point, "I'm GLAD you're a boy!" Guess it's a good thing! He was warm and gooey, but absolutely beautiful. He was quite swollen, which made him look much bigger than he really was. (Pics taken at delivery and then a mere 12 hours later show just how swollen he was!) Matt got to cut Parker's cord and eventually Bettina gave him a quick bath. He weighed 3430 grams. Bettina had a cheat-sheet that had rough estimates for quick conversions revealed he weighed 7 lbs 10 oz. He was 50 cm in length and his head circumference was 35 cm. These were posted to FB while in the delivery room. Julie, from FCBC, had made Parker a sweet handmade cross-stitch. It was ready except for the weight. As soon as she saw the stats added the weight and shipped it, to later find out that the weight was slightly different. When I was put into my room I did an online conversion to find out that he was actually 7 lbs 8 oz. His length was 19.7 inches and head circumference was 13.8 inches. What a neat story he has to tell!

Mommy and her newest prince.

Daddy holding Parker!

Sweet moments before Daddy goes to get Papa and the brubs.

Bettina, my awesome midwife!

Nana holding my little papoose. Interesting way to swaddle a baby!

I remember asking Bettina about how long before the placenta was going to be delivered and literally, 30 seconds later it came. It was in tact and I was fascinated to see it. Matt took pictures of it, though I will not be posting those! I can not believe there are people, doctors especially, who do not believe in God as creator. There is no way that pregnancy, labor, child birth, and life could happen without God. How that beef-steak-looking thing housed and fed my baby for 9 months amazes me.

Instead of being moved into a recovery room (the same room I was in to labor for the first 2 induction attempts) Parker and I were allowed to just stay where we were and rest. I nursed him right there and he knew exactly what to do. The nurses were very different here. They encouraged me to feed him for only 10-15 minutes per side every three hours. In the states, they wanted my babies to nurse for 30 minutes on each side every 2-3 hours meaning I was CONSTANTLY feeding them (it was only an hour from the end of one feeding to the start of another). After a while I figured out that they weren't going to starve and I set my own schedule for them...

Matt held Parker for a while and the he left to get Papa, the big brubs, and some real dinner. (Dinners at the hospital are sliced bread, deli meat, a slice of bread... I wanted something more substantial. As it turns out the PX only had pizza available by the time Matt got there.) While he was gone I called Grammy (Matt's mom) and Anna. It was sad that they were not able to be in the delivery room with me this time.

After about an hour hospital staff came in and told me that soon I would be taken upstairs. They rolled me up on the same bed I'd had since yesterday morning to the new-mommy ward. AND THIS TIME I WAS A NEW MOMMY!! I was not going back upstairs still pregnant! I was helped from the delivery bed to my bed, which had been moved from the labor room into the hallway. (At this point I was dressed in my clothes, but I do not recall putting them back on. I need to ask Mom when I got dressed.) I needed to pee and they let me go into the bathroom alone, in the room I had labored in, just asking me to not lock the door. (Not invoking a lot of confidence in my post labor, post epi legs.) It was at this time I realized just where the epidural had "worked." My left quadricep was as numb as could be, a lot like having a novocain shot in my leg. That did NOT help relieve pain during delivery, though I probably don't need to tell anyone that! Fortunately it did not affect my ability to walk and I was able to pee unassisted. It was surreal to look into the trash can and see my used bedpans. It was like time was split. Before Parker. After Parker. I still could not believe that he was here and had come so quickly. (Though "quickly" is a strange word to use considering it took 3 attempts at induction for him to arrive. I think my impression of "quickly" was simply because I had fully expected to be there in for many more days trying to get him to come.)

The "transport team" wheeled me to my room and I can honestly say I don't remember if I was holding Parker or not. I'll have to ask my mom... I think I was... When the family arrived I went to the cafeteria (on the floor for new mommies) and tried to feed Parker and eat pizza at the same time. We were not quite ready for that and I soon realized we would need to practice a bit before attempting that! :) I headed back to my room and really enjoyed introducing my newest son to my first three. We got some great pictures of them and enjoyed our time.

At around 10:00 I kissed my husband and boys and sent them all home. Parker and I were left to get to know each other. It was a truly beautiful time and, instead of being lonely, I enjoyed this time. (Had Matt left me alone after having any of the other boys I would have been miserable. The blues hit me with each of the other babies during the first night, but they never really came this time. Praising God for that!)

The bleeding was much less severe this time, they say due to having a smaller baby. Recovery was much easier and I enjoyed being able to bend over. The first time I dropped something on the floor I, out of habit, said, "Oh crap." Then I remembered that I wasn't pregnant anymore, bent down, and picked it up! It was really cool! As was the first time I put socks on and could continue breathing the entire time! The only remnants of pregnancy that followed me out of the L&D room was swelling. That stayed with me for a week.

They came to prick Parker's foot to check his blood glucose levels and while he was gone they told me that his temperature was too low. They needed him to sleep in a warming bed for a few hours. I thought for a minute about being disappointed but realized that with Matt not here it would be a good time to get some sleep. I took the opportunity to do so and they brought him back to me around three a.m., I guess. Their English was okay, but I love the translations. The nurse who brought him said, "He is looking after the breast." Hehe... They start early, huh??!?

I hope to add more memories after watching the video. For now, these are my most vivid memories from the day Parker was born.

Quick Stats:

Parker Madison Hamrick

(First name chosen simply because we like it. Second name, we wanted an "M" name to match daddy's and brubs' "M" middle names, and "Madison" means, "son of Matthew." It was a boy name until the 80's when Daryl Hannah's character in "Splash" saw the sign for Madison Avenue and adopted that name as her own. Many girls have used that name since then and most people consider it a girl's name. We're reviving it as a boy's name. It's interesting...we know girls with each of our sons' names but to us, they all sound masculine.)

Born: March 13, 2010

Time: 5:10 pm Central European Time

Weight: 7 lbs 8 oz

Length: 19.7 inches

Head: 13.8 inches

Induced, round two...

12 March - Friday morning I woke up pretty early and made my last diabetic breakfast ever. Because I knew it kept my numbers in line and it provided me with a fairly healthful meal, I had eaten two eggs, sunny-side-up, two pieces of whole-grain toast, and water for breakfast every day for three months. Nothing else kept my numbers in the safe zone so I just lived with it. After I had eaten and waited the appropriate hour to test my blood sugar levels I would then enjoy a cup of coffee, if the numbers were right. I was happy that this morning, the numbers were right and I really enjoyed that cup of coffee.

After getting ready for the day and having a large prayer circle with Nana and Papa, Mom, Matt, and I loaded into the BMW and headed to HSK, arriving around 9:00 am. We were met in the Labor & Delivery area by "Prickly Pear" as we called her. She kept telling Matt to go downstairs to get me admitted but the only guy working didn't speak English and tried to send Matt to the OB ward. (We had already gone there on another occasion and Matt knew that wasn't where we were supposed to go. And, last Friday when I was there for the first attempt at induction we dealt with a great lady who admitted me from her desk and I was sent back upstairs to L&D... why this guy was sending Matt on a wild goose chase, we'll never know.) Matt returned to the waiting room where Mom and I were still sitting (which we didn't have to do last week) and joined us in the wait. "Prickly Pear" came out and sent Matt back downstairs again, implying that I was not going to be seen until admitted. Matt went back back down to find that all the employees were in a meeting. A grumpy Matt decided that he was going to wait on our Host Nation Liaison (German-speaking Army-provided liaison who also happens to be Carson's and Bailey's AWANA teacher) before he attempted anything else.

"Prickly Pear" came back out and rolled her eyes when Matt said that they were all in a meeting. At last she took me back for observation, but would only allow one extra person to come with me. Since Matt had experienced last week's 20 minute fetal-monitoring session he stayed in the waiting room and mom joined me. By the time I was in a room with an IV inserted into my hand (not my wrist, which I would have preferred) it was 11:40. We had wasted precious hours in the waiting room due to "Prickly Pear" but I must say that I am very pleased that this was the last of my interactions with her. From the moment I got into the Labor room I was treated by the sweetest staff imaginable.

Because I wasn't close enough to delivery for Pitocin to be effective they decided to do Cervidil around noon. I had never experienced this before and was really hoping something would happen. When they administer Cervidil you have to lie flat for 2 hours. Um, this coffee-loving gestational diabetic had had a cup of joe and who knows how much water. Can you see the recipe for disaster written on the wall? I was miserable after one hour and thought I might not survive lying flat on my back feeling no labor pains! Forget the pain of delivery! I had to PEE! (Without going into detail, let me just say that I had to ask for assistance!)

I remember at one point a familiar face from the week before came into the room to help another laboring mother and when she was finished I asked her to explain how the cervidil was supposed to work and when/if I might be given Pitocin. She came over and, whether or not she was supposed to be "my" midwife or not, I adopted her right then. When my two hours of confinement were completed, I was instructed to go for a walk around the hospital to return at 4:30 for another round of monitoring. I was, at this time, having regular, mild contractions, but I was able to easily talk through them.

We went downstairs to have a snack, though I was not able to eat due to pretty strong contractions. I was convinced this was going to be "the day."

As we went back upstairs the contractions were strong enough to cause me to want to stand in order to find comfort. The best place to do so was in the hallway where Mom and Matt could sit at a small table and we could all chat. I would talk until a contraction came, then pause. Once it'd pass I could carry on with what I was saying. At one point they strapped me up to a wireless fetal monitor which is how I was able to stand in the hallway rather than lie in the bed. Loved that thing! I could go into the room every few minutes to check on the heart rate and the strength of the contractions. Those earlier in the day had been topping out at around 20 while these were going past 100!

While we were out there Matt pointed out a new daddy looking at his freshly born baby. It was someone we knew from Wiesbaden but I had a hard time at first believing it was him... his wife wasn't due for another month! But sure enough, their baby had been born while we were downstairs in the cafe! She came in and within 4 minutes of getting into a delivery room she had delivered... When dad and baby were whisked off to NICU the mom and my family had an impromptu prayer session in the hallway asking God for protection and for a strong baby. While baby stayed in the NICU for several days, I know for a fact that she's home and all is well at the present! God answers prayers!

Back to my own story, my amazing midwife started pitocin at 5:00 pm. I had found out that she was to get off at 10:00 and my hopes of delivering before then went up! I really wanted her to deliver, but I can't force nature... we'd been trying for a week! :)

Just one hour later they took me off pitocin because nothing much was happening. Plus, there were so few ladies laboring that it was best to send the bulk of the staff home for the evening and the few of us upstairs for a night's rest. I was so disappointed. (Looking back, I'm happy with what they did and am glad I was ultimately able to labor and deliver without Pitocin but at the time, I was quite disappointed.)

I was moved (bed and all) to a room upstairs on the new-mommy floor and placed in a room with another Army wife. She was on bed rest due to preterm labor. We enjoyed quiet conversation for a while before I had to go back downstairs for further monitoring. Here is what I posted as my status when I returned to the room:

I just returned from my last 30 min of monitoring for the day. Had "piggy-back" contractions for the first time ever. (2 that were 2 min apart then a 4 min break, then 2 that were 2 min apart then a 4 min break, etc. ) Going to sleep now. Thanks for your sweet words of encouragement!!

As I am writing this, I'm having to go back and look at my "Wall" on Facebook to get the details and times right. I have waited too long to post this journal! VERY thankful I kept updating my Status as now it is the only way I can remember certain things! I also loved having the ability to receive the love and encouragement from family and friends all over the world in real-time. That was not possible when I had the other boys... I so appreciated knowing that people were praying for Parker and me!

I went to bed half expecting to be pregnant for the rest of my life. I had serious doubts that he'd be born the next day. Pitocin had worked wonders with both Hayden and Bailey. With both boys, they had arrived only hours after the medicine was introduced. I had now been given Pitocin twice with Parker and neither time had it worked. Those irrational thoughts that one has at the end of pregnancy feel real... like, "I will still be pregnant with this kid 3 months from now! He's never going to come! He's going to be 14 lbs! I'm going to be on insulin for the rest of my life." I was disheartened, but a good night's sleep was ahead...

Count down continued...

I could write for hours on my experiences over the past week! I do hope I'm able to journal my thoughts because they are priceless to me. Over my time as a mother I have learned more and more the meaning expressed in Luke when he wrote that "Mary pondered these things in her heart." I bet she would have been a journaling lady... I want to remember every detail but do not trust my memory to do so.

8 March - Monday was one of the worst days I've had in many years. I believe it may have been influenced by normal pregnancy hormones but amplified by the pitocin still coursing through me, as well as the fact that instead of holding my infant I was "doing school" with the boys. Anticlimactic may be a word to describe it, but either way, it was rough. Bailey struggled with reading which sent me into a crying spell which could compete with any rotten two-year-old. During another part of school, after I had composed myself, Hayden came over and told me that an MP was writing something near my car. I went outside in socks, big belly, and pj pants, and a tee-shirt the boys had made that said, "World's Best Mommy" on it. We've been parking facing traffic every since we got here, along with 10 or so other cars on our street. I like to do this as I can open the automatic van door and my boys jump right out of the car onto the sidewalk in front of our house. They don't have to cross the street at all when we park like this. Well, when I kindly asked what was wrong he explained that "there have been complaints" about all the cars parking the wrong way. I asked if I could simply turn it around and I think he may have detected a wildness in my spirit that he was safest to avoid and he said, "I think I can do that." He quit writing my ticket and went on to the next car. I felt so bad the rest of the day for all the other car owners who had pink tickets flapping in the breeze. So - Hayden saved the day, as did Parker, whose presence reached the MP a full minute before I did! Something about a pregnant belly can speak volumes!

Later that day I ran to the commissary and while there used the restroom (can't make it in and out without a stop in the restroom). I got home with my loot and tried to find my phone. No where. I called it three times hoping I'd hear it in one of the bags. Eventually someone answered it. She was in the restroom at the commissary! I thanked her for answering and asked if she'd leave it with the manager. She did better than that... She brought it to me! And as it turns out, while I was thanking her and we were getting to know each other, she and Matt sat together at a recent function and her husband is in our unit. Small world and God put her in the restroom "for such a time as this." Never thought I'd put the word "restroom" and that scripture together...

So on a day that was as difficult emotionally as I could have endured God broke through and intervened on my behalf, saving me a ticket and a lost iPhone. In the midst of my hard day He reminded me that he's still here and still cares about my life. And if he still cares about the silly stuff I just described then he MUST still care about my baby, the timing in which he arrives, and the health concerns related to the pregnancy.

Tuesday and Wednesday were much better days but Thursday was beautiful! We had prepared the house once again for Parker's arrival so when we woke up on Thursday all 5 of us were able to just relax and watch TV. The boys had put in a "Dirty Jobs" on high-rise window washing and while I had planned to get ready to go get Nana and Papa I got engrossed in that episode. It was a fun, spontaneous, relaxed moment in which our very last few hours as a family of five were just perfect. We laughed till we hurt and then we loaded our van and headed to the airport. We got there in plenty of time and after only about 30 minutes of waiting we saw Nana and Papa!!!

Because it was close to noon, the Hamricks were ready for lunch and, though they were arriving at 5 am on their body-clocks, Nana and Papa were up for a quick lunch at the PX. We decided to keep it low-key and let them get settled in at home so we headed there after we ate. It was a great day of talking and of me showing mom all the things I had done in an attempt to make our lives easier while they were here and I was not working at 100%. We all went to bed early as we had had a big day and the next held hope of meeting Mr. Parker...

Down to days...

We are at a point where I can count the number of days left until we meet Parker on one hand! He will (barring any unforeseen complications) be here on Friday, March 12th. The best part b about this news is that Napa and Papa will arrive the day before and therefore will be able to be a part of his arrival! I am SO excited about that! In fact, that news is what has kept me from being disappointed at Parker not making his grand entrance last Friday.

In order to bring my journal up to date, let me recount the events of the last couple of weeks.

(Warning: This post may have more information that some of you want to read. I will not be offended if you quit now. I'll never even know!)

25 Feb I went to my 37 week appointment with my OB and she estimated Parker's weight at 7.5 lbs. Later that day I went to the hospital where I am going to have Parker to meet with the Chief Doctor who schedules inductions. After looking at my blood sugar numbers, Parker's weight and the size discrepancy between his head and belly, and my swelling, she wanted me to stay that day for a stress test and to possibly be induced. She did give me the option to wait one week. I chose that because I needed a chance to get my boys taken care of. By that evening two friends had stepped up and were willing to take care of the boys for the weekend. It took a few hours for me to get over the disappointment of Parker not arriving on Bailey's birthday, or even after my parents were to arrive. But eventually the excitement of having him in my arms took over and I began to accept what was to be.

4 March I went back to my OB and gave her the report. After my exam she concluded that Parker was close to 4000 g. (which translates into 8 bs 13 oz) still 2 full weeks before my due date. She was fully in support of my being induced the next day, which is a big deal as German doctors do not typically favor induction at all, especially prior to one's due date. As far as natural progress toward labor, there was not much. I was not dilated at all and his head was still VERY high up, but I was softening . In fact, if my water were to break I was instructed to call the ambulance to get me to the hospital as there is concern about him plugging his umbilical cord as he descends. Last bit of good news was that he was in perfect position to begin labor and delivery. He had been sunny-side-up for a few weeks, then turned 180 degrees, which was better, but still not quite right. As of the 4th he was perfectly positioned.

After such a good visit and with the very real probability that this was my last day as a pregnant lady, I had many thoughts running through my mind. The first of which was that tomorrow could be the day I get to STOP testing my blood sugar. You may wonder why in the world this was among my first thoughts and my explanation is simple: we pass by a great bakery on the way to and from my doctor's office. We pass by this bakery on foot because there is no parking within a mile of her office. If the boys have been great in the waiting room we stop by on the way home for a treat. Our favorite treat is a small bag of what I can only describe as "donut holes." Only they're not quite the same as what you're probably thinking. Not nearly as sweet and covered with a mild sugar crystal. I want to enjoy one of these one day without concern for my blood sugar. (I usually only allow myself one, if any at all.) On this particular day, however, we opted for fresh pretzels as a reward...okay, THEY got pretzels, I got nothing. ONE MORE DAY...ONE MORE DAY... that's what was going through my mind.

We met Daddy for dinner and really just had a great time celebrating our last night together as a family of five. I had gotten SO much accomplished and was ready for Parker to arrive. (Boys' hair cut; a few more meals frozen; boys doled out; floors cleaned. And let me say, that last one, was a BIGGIE! For some reason it was a big deal to me that I head for the hospital with my floors clean. Thanks to Matt for vacuuming so I could dust, then mop... I was ready. Oh, and not to mention that I found a freezer in the Stars and Stripes that was perfect for us. Matt literally picked it up after we had our "last family of 5 meal" and stored it in our basement... the sellers lived in the neighborhood right next to ours! HOW PERFECT?!?)

5 March I woke up early and got my shower. I also woke the boys up earlier than they normally get up so that we could get on the road. We had a LOT to pack up because we had to take a load of stuff to the Evans' house for the boys' overnight stay and then we also had to pack the car with all the stuff we would need for an extended stay in the hospital. And here one must pack her own towels, washcloths, and snacks. (That was a tip I received from Heather, and let me say, it was invaluable. The food there was AWFUL!) If we had not had the food I packed I would have starved (and my blood sugar would have been really screwy!).

So, after dropping my boys off at the Evans' and seeing their surprise that Wyatt was not at school after all but was taking a day off of school, Matt and I headed to the hospital. But not before Elizabeth presented me with Parker's hand-made baby blanket that just so happens to match the color scheme of his room! It's beautiful and I will be sure to have pictures taken of him snuggled in it!

We arrived at the hospital on time and headed up to the Kreißsaal (L&D). The midwives began my exam with fetal monitoring and inserting the IV into my wrist that was to be used for the pitocin. After the monitoring they did a check which revealed that overnight I had dilated to 1 cm! This was encouraging as I really thought that the pitocin would take over and finish things up. During the monitoring I had a single contraction even before having any meds administered! Another sign of good things to come!

Because my mom and friends are so far away I was happy to update my Facebook status via iPhone throughout the day. I was so thankful for the entertainment my iPhone provided me!

After my initial exam I was sent downstairs to be admitted and then when I came back upstairs, they put me in a room with 2 other beds. I was hooked up to the monitor which revealed another all-by-myself contraction and given 3o minutes to get the baseline established. Then they came in every now and then and upped my pitocin by 10 units. (No idea how much that is in what length of time, but it started at 10 units at 10 am, and by 3 it was at 90 units.)

At this point I was a bit discouraged because my contractions had an hour to go from Braxton Hicks-like to SERIOUS STUFF or they were going to send me home. After getting all that stuff packed and loaded, including the boys, I didn't want to go home without Parker. Being perfectly honest, this was the most disheartening part of the whole day... all the work it took to get to that point for nothing. Not that I wasn't ready to meet my sweet new addition, but waiting a week would allow my parents to get here! That's GREAT news! But I had gone through A LOT to get many bags packed, snacks purchased, boys scheduled out not to mention the family who was taking care of them for 24+ hours! Needless to say, my contractions barely worsened when they bumped me up to 100. After a while at this level a doctor came in (one I hadn't seen before but would be responsible for my labor and delivery) with an ultrasound machine. He checked the size of the baby and got a smaller size than the two previous doctors (whose measurements had matched perfectly). He really felt it was best that I just go home and wait a week. And after an exam that revealed that six hours of pitocin had left me at 1 cm and Parker still very high, I had to agree. (And I have to say, when I had pitocin with Hayden it left me doubled over in pain within an hour. I asked the dr if having two prior experiences with pitocin would leave me less sensitive to the drug and he said, "Oh No!! It would make you MORE sensitive to it." In conclusion, Parker was not ready to come.)

I was told to walk the hospital for an hour and then they were going to do one last fetal monitoring. During this hour we enjoyed a snack in the cafe and I made plans for the evening: Pick up the boys, go shopping for a friends' birthday present, and had decided that the next morning we were going to try to make it Orrin's birthday party a couple of hours away. Imagine my surprise when they hooked me back up and told me I was staying overnight!! I was still having regular contractions that matched those while I was on pitocin, due to the meds still being in my system.

The hospital staff showed me to my room on the new-moms-floor and I was left to enjoy a private room for the night. Matt ran to get some dinner and Tums (which I had forgotten to pack... I wouldn't have needed them if I had had Parker!).

When he returned we watched a movie on his laptop and he headed home. No sense in paying 50 Euros for him to sleep in an uncomfortable bed when there's no baby to help me with.

6 March I got up around 6:30 the next morning to a beautiful, snowy view. I got as ready as I could for the day (having an IV in my wrist put a kink in my "shower" plans...). I went back down to L&D and they monitored me for 30 minutes seeing no contractions at all. Matt arrived during this time and within an hour I was released.

We got our sweet boys who had had a BLAST with Wyatt, and headed home. A quick lunch and we were all off for a 3 hour nap! I had to wake Hayden at 4!! The boys played in the snow for a while and when they came home, I had a plan. After 2 days of being cooped up I needed to get out so we piled in the car and drove along the Rhine River and saw at least 10 castles! I can't wait to find information about these castles and take my parents there! This was a sweet time with our boys, added time as a family of 5, which is kind of hard to explain. We're ready to met Parker but treasuring these last few days which are "life as we know it."

Before he went to bed Hayden told me his head hurt. He had a low-grade fever, sore throat, and headache. I worried about strep throat and Matt made a decision I fully agreed with. Since he already had tomorrow's church service covered and we needed to rest, we were going to stay home. We rarely do that, but it was a good thing.

7 March Hayden still had a slight fever this morning but his throat only hurt when he coughed, which was not often. He BEGGED all day to go outside so I can tell he's feeling okay. I'd say it is probably a little cold that will be better tomorrow and we're praying no one else gets it. We cancelled a play date all three boys had today in order to not share it. (I spent the entire day putting together a "build-a-mummy" thing I had bought for Carson's birthday... SO glad I was able to get that done before Parker arrived!) I also made the lesson plans for M-W. We will welcome Nana and Papa to Germany on Thursday and most likely Parker into the world on Friday! It's a big week!!!

Now, I'm off to bed. I must say I'm so thankful for the many prayers people were praying for our health on Friday. I can honestly say I believe they were answered. If pitocin is pushed too hard before the baby is ready, it can lead to c-section. If that can be avoided, I'd like to. We'll try again this week and will pray for more progress.... like, say, DELIVERY! :)

Regrets and checklists

To begin with, my sweet middle son, Carson, will turn 7 in just 3 days. I can't believe this and still wonder where the time went. I've been posting his baby pics as my profile on Facebook for the past few weeks and seeing them takes me back to the exact moments those picture were taken. I want to go back to those moments and kiss his baby cheeks one more time. Since that's not possible, I grab him as often as I can and steal some from him. He only fights it sometimes. I have read a lot on middle children and heard other people who share that spot in their families mention what their life is like. Often they feel left out and unimportant. I have made it my goal as a mother to avoid him feeling like this and want, more than anything, for him to grow up knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is cherished by his parents. I believe at his current age that he DOES believe this. One interesting thing I have noticed that is true about all I've read about middle-kids is that he's hard to buy for. Of course, buying him a book is easy, as he is our LOVER OF BOOKS! (This is a picture of him asleep with light on, book in hand, taken last week.) But to go to the toy store and buy him something, your guess is as good as mine. He's a 7 year old boy... almost anything will do as long as it's from the "boy" aisle. But to know exactly what he would want is quite difficult. Now, our other two are EASY to buy for. Hayden loves skateboarding stuff, Bailey loves Toy Story stuff. The good thing about sweet Carson is that he's pleased with anything. Even if we buy him something he wouldn't have chosen for himself, he is thankful and will play with it happily.

I'm guessing that in the "birth order" concept, he will remain the "middle child" even though technically he AND Bailey will be middle-"childrens." (That's for Michelle and Mikaela.) Any of you who have more info on 4 kids, especially three kids with a HUGE time space between the first three and the 4th, comments are welcome! :)

My next month will be spent focusing on Bailey. He will be turning 6 in March (on Parker's due date) and I want to honor him and look forward to having his little face as my profile for a few weeks. Of course, the month following that will be all-about-Parker month as we all get to know who this little guy is. I look back on the other boys' babyhoods and can see particular traits that they had even then that continue to this day. Hayden has always been an athlete, an an achiever, and on the go. Carson has always love books and enjoyed being all alone. Bailey has always loved being with his family and at home. To this day all of these attributes ring true! Funny story about Bailey... he still loves to just be at home. I had yet another doctor's appointment Thursday and he had had just about enough of our running around last week. (PWOC, doctor's visits, midwife visits, unit coffee, etc.) As I was instructing them to all get their coats on Bailey started to whine. "Why do we have to go again?!? Can't I stay here?" "Why no, Bailey, you are 5 years old and I cannot leave you at home alone." To which he replied, "you can just lock the door." He truly wanted me to leave him at home and lock the door. Funny kid! I say all of that to say I'm looking forward to spending time watching Parker to see what kind of person he will be. Will he love activity like Hayden, peace and quiet like Carson, or the coziness of home like Bailey?

Also regarding Parker and his first few months, I want to remember more. I loved having 3 babies in 34 months and would go back and do it all over again, the same way, if I were given the chance. I love how close they are to each other, in age, but also as friends. However, I must say there are things I missed that I wish I had done better. Here are my regrets:

1. I had a crappy camera during the first 2-3 years of their lives. I am highly disappointed with the quality of the pictures I have of those years.
2. I was a poor photographer at that time. Not much can improve this other than experience, so I can't really kick myself about this one, but the pictures I DO have could have been better if I had known a little more about photography and had a better camera. (I often joke that my sons will enter marriage with three gifts from me: 1. A Dave Ramsey FPU class under their belts. 2. A good camera to start taking great photos of their new lives together. 3. A set of Pampered Chef pots and pans AS WELL AS tutorials-by-mom on how to use and care for them. These were things I wish I had had at "Marriage: Day 1.")
3. I would have napped more. I don't remember much at all of Carson's first year of life. I was SO tired. I had a 2 year old, a new born, and was pregnant. He didn't learn to walk until I was in the hospital having Bailey and my mom and dad walked him up and down the hallways. I had just been too tired to do much for him. Plus, now I remember how uncomfortable it is to bend over while preggo. So, thankfully he has a neat story of how his Nana and Papa taught him to walk at 13 months in the hallways of Gaston Memorial Hospital.
4. I would have cooked more. I was NOT a willing learner until they were a bit older. I did the basics but didn't apply myself as I should have and therefore we spent too much money on eating out and eating quick-fix meals. I have learned the value in cooking from scratch (or at least mostly from scratch) and feel now that I am contributing to our financial future rather than draining it.
5. I would have done the finances for our family and taken that stress off of Matt years earlier. (Deployment made that a requirement and I have seen that I can handle money wisely and can actually make Matt's life much easier by simply removing that task from his to-do list.) I would have also learned to use coupons earlier.
6. I would have kissed the boys more. Like, hundreds of times a day. I can't tell you that I didn't kiss them that much, but I would go back and make sure to get as many in as possible. Those baby faces grow up and become kid faces too fast. And I love some big-kid hugs, don't get me wrong, but there's something special about baby-kisses!
7. I would look at them more. I might start crying here, just thinking back on those years in our Ferry Road house... They were years I treasure and I think it makes Mary's "pondering" make sense to me. We had major struggles there, learning how to be married, how to be parents, how to manage a home and finances. We hated how small our house was and dreamed of expanding it to "fit" us better. Now I look back and think that the size of the house really doesn't matter. I could go back and live in it again and be just fine. Well, maybe if our family was just as it was then... not so much now with 6... I might want to expand it a little. But I would tell myself not to let the size of the house be such a major annoyance. Our memories of that place are all so special and I really do treasure them.

With all of those things I regret, I want to try to avoid those regrets with Parker. I want to take a lot of pictures, some of them being really good. (Some are destined to be "just capture the moment" shots, but I do want some that I can frame.) I want to nap when I can so I can be alert and rested when he is awake... even in the middle of the night! :) I want to cook smartly, so we can eat healthful meals and at the same time, I can help us meet our financial goals (DEBT FREE, HERE WE COME!). I want to kiss him every time I see him and I want to look at him with eyes that already know how fast this time will pass. (I almost don't want to wish away the next 5 weeks while he's still safely in my womb because I know as soon as he enters this world he'll start growing up right before my eyes.) And I want to treasure the now, this moment, each moment, knowing that before long it will be something I can only ponder. I want to experience it and enjoy it IN THE MOMENT.

Even with so much going on, my mind is actually starting to settle. I am getting more and more things checked off my list. You know... those things you really want to get accomplished before a baby arrives. Just a few of these items included:

• Getting the nursery completed. We did, black-out curtains and all.
• Finding treats for the boys to open while I'm in the hospital: Today I spent an hour in the BookMark today buying those wonderful items!
• Packing my suitcase: Partially done. (The toiletries that I use on a daily basis are still in the bathroom, but I have a post-it note on my mirror for Matt just in case we end up in the hospital and he has to come back later for my stuff.)
• Stroller/Car seat put together: Done, though not installed. I am waiting until after Mom and Dad get here so we can actually pick them up from the airport. Once Parker arrives we'll have to take 2 cars to get all of us somewhere. But, Matt will be able to come back and get the car seat while I'm recovering.
• Hebammeespredsturde: (If this is misspelled it's because the midwife has poor handwriting... I'm trying to write what she wrote down.) This is my "midwife appointment." We met together and I gave her all of my medical history. She took notes and created a file, called Gravidogramm vorhcinder. (Again, if this is misspelled it's because her handwriting is illegible.) "File" would be so much easier! I was able to tell her what I wanted during labor and delivery (EPIDURAL) and ask specific questions.
• Baby shower: Now, let me say, this was not on a list of things I had to do or at all expected, but it was something I received anyway. The Wiesbaden Chaplains' Spouses' group gave me a surprise shower last week and blessed me with a high chair...the last of the baby things I still lacked, along with other baby necessities. That was SUCH a fun night!
• Getting a 2nd refrigertor: Yesterday a HUGE one became the newest addition to our family!! NOW I JUST NEED TO START COOKING! (Hard to see in this picture as small as it is, but Hayden is standing beside our almost-7-foot-tall fridge that fits perfectly in our laundry room. I didn't even have to put it in the basement!)

We have four and a half weeks until Parker arrives. I pray that he turns in the right position (he's sunny side up right now). I pray I can keep my blood sugar levels under control (they've been all over the place this past week). I pray my ketones go back down. (They had been at 0-5 for several weeks but the past 4 days the numbers are up in the 40s and 5os). I pray Parker waits until at least 12 March so my parents will be here for the festivities. (And because I really don't know who I would call in the middle of the night to take me to the hospital or to watch my boys so Matt could be with me in delivery. I will say, I've had plenty of people offer and in a desperate situation, I will call them.) I pray I can deliver Parker safely and don't need a c-section. I pray they will give me my epidural. (I have been assured that as long as I come in at the right time in my dilation process AND the anesthesiologist is available, I will have it... same as in the states, but still, praying for those two things to work together for my benefit.) I pray I can do better at listening to the boys (that's another story for another blog, but let's just say I'm tired and I really have to force myself to focus when they start telling me about yet another skateboarding trick that I really couldn't care less about... just writing that makes me feel like a horrible mother...). I pray Matt is able to adjust to the gloomy weather of Germany. I thrive in it. Matt, not so much. I pray that my three older sons know without a doubt that though I will be spending mucho energy and time on our new baby that I love them fiercely! In fact, I've been trying to prepare them by saying, "I'll have to spend a lot of time with Parker, feeding him, holding him, changing him. But just remember, when YOU were a new baby I spent the same amount of time with you." Hopefully it'll stick and no one will feel neglected.

If I were better at updating this on a weekly basis, these posts would not be nearly as long. However, I refuse to put a stipulation on myself. I am learning how to say "No" to certain things, even things I enjoy or feel obligated to do. I'd rather do what I can and when I can than set rules for myself, feeling guilt when I can't meet those demands. SO, I update when I can and it's usually a slew of words. That's what works for me. And if you've made it this far in the blog, then you are probably not too annoyed with me and won't complain about the length of this post! :) If you were annoyed, you would have stopped reading long ago.

I hope to update again before Parker comes, sharing the latest and greatest events in our lives. Until then, tusch! (pronounced "chuse" said in a sing-songy voice... that's for Matt)

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!

(PS Sorry for the poor quality of pictures. I've been pretty lazy about getting my real camera out lately and have been relying on my iPhone. A bad habit I must break NOW!)