Keep your hands inside the ride at all times...

This is what you hear before the roller coaster begins moving.  It is also the point where if you scream loud enough, they will let you off.  At this point, you have waited in the line and the anticipation grows to a point that seems almost unbearable.  As you sit in the seat and lower the bar that is intended to keep you safe throughout the ride, you may wonder if you have made a wise decision.  While they are giving the instructions, you have a last moment to jump out before the press that button that starts the journey.  

We are there.  The adoption agency has given us the warnings and the instructions.  And we are at the point where we are to begin paying for things.  (Not that one can put a price on a child or, even more importantly, on obedience to the Father.)  We think there might be an issue with a particular medicine Matt has been on because China has very strict rules about who can adopt their children.  For example, you have to be a certain age, under a certain Body Mass Index, they even ask if you have any facial deformities.  We simply can't lie about the medication, but we hate to proceed with a part that will cost us financially if we will most likely be denied.  

As a result of this I have felt a bit deflated today.  I know God talks to us...He reveals His will to us.  If this is the end of our adventure, even though we never even got the safety belts latched, why all the confirmations and heart yearnings for a daughter from China?  

I trust His plan.  But I'm a mommy who feels like she's missing a child, and Matt feels the same way.  He is comforting me and reminding me that God will make a way if it is meant to be.  He said this might just be one of several hiccups along the ride.  My calm, cool, and collected husband is right and I believe that if God has a plan for us to adopt, it will happen and in His timing.  However, He may simply have placed this desire in our hearts as a way to remind us of our own adoption into His family.  At this point I don't know.  

Until then, however, we will focus on the time of reintegration we are facing!  And speaking of that, I can't believe Matt flies out of Liberty in just five or six days! (Remember, it will still be several days after that before he gets home.  Don't worry:  I will post it here and on facebook as soon as I have specific information!!)  WHOO-HOO!!  I can't wait until we are sitting together at the dinner table and eating as a family.  I've left Matt's bedroom slippers by his side of the bed the entire time.  The post it notes he wrote for us before he left in DEC 07 are still all over the house.  I bought a 4-10 CAV car magnet that is currently attached to the fridge so it doesn't get faded on his car in the meantime.  So many tiny things that are about to come full circle.  

***  I wrote this on 5-29-09, but had to run it by Matt before posting it.  Today, however, I have received the most amazingly sweet email from Matt with all the encouragement I needed and no longer feel deflated!    Here are parts of it, to leave you with both of our points of view regarding this roller coaster:

 I know God will provide, even if it's another biological child. I have always wanted a little girl that looks just like you, but maybe with curly blonde hair.

I don't have a lack of faith, but I just can't see God telling us to jump into that much debt.  He is big enough to work it out, or to give us a biological daughter, or son for that matter.  I know you are deflated, and I am too, but I do have a peace about it. I have no idea what's going to happen, but I am ok with that.  We have to be careful that this pursuit doesn't adversely affect our marriage.  We are not in any rush.  People our age are just now starting to have kids and we 

already have three.  I believe we will have another child sometime in the not so distant future.  I want to spend the next couple of months focusing on you and the boys since it's been so long since we've been together.  

I love you so much.  I love your mother's heart...it's one of the things that attracted me to you long before you had Hayden.  I know that heart is breaking because of the longing for a daughter.  I wish I could heal your heart, but I know Jesus can and he wants to.  I think the place in your heart that longs for another child will be filled one day, and I don't think it will be that long.  I love you, beautiful.  One thing I do know, if we do have a daughter she will have me wrapped just like you
do.  I love you, babe...5 days until I wave goodbye to Baghdad. 

No place like home...

We have now heard where we are going... drum roll please............

FORT CARSON, COLORADO!!!

 

(This photo was taken of the boys in May at Spring Canyon.  A place we have grown to love and I'm sure we'll make it back there a couple of times before we move!)

Yep!  Staying right here!  We were gearing up for a big move, possibly one to Germany, and of course, hearing that we aren't moving has left us just a tiny bit deflated, though I say "tiny bit" with absolutely no sarcasm.  We are deflated only because we had prepared ourselves, had started to let go of things we love here, in preparation to leave.  It's something you have to do as a military family and it's actually quite healthy.  I have been thinking for a few months that I may have to leave the church I loved at first sight, the friends I've made (at least the ones who aren't PCSing...some are leaving ME, which is a completely different post with a completely different set of emotions...), the house we are so comfortable in...  One must do this in order to be fully "there" when you get to the next place.  Some people get so attached to where they are that they simply can't leave it emotionally, and when they get to their new duty station, they find it difficult to make friends, enjoy their new surroundings, or settle in.  Not this girl!  I'm up for adventure of any kind, and so I was preparing myself for the next PCS, type of adventure.  

As I sit here and write, however, the excitement is growing inside me because this will absolutely make our adoption adventure much easier!  (In fact, I just paused to email our Intercountry Adoption Coordinator to give her the news!)  Now I can start to allow my heart to wrap itself back around the things we love here.  I give that word, in this case, a lot of weight.  I love my coffee, and am currently drinking out of a mug my mother-in-love gave me years ago...it has pictures of Matt and me at around 17, 18 years old.  I love my coffee (and my sweet mug).  But that is a different love than the love we have for Colorado.  We love this place, the lack of humidity, the temperatures, the mountains, the snow, our church, and our friends.  We know the friends we have will weave in and out of our lives again.  This is hard.  For example, TJ and Stephanie are both moving away from me, and I will certainly grieve, and it has already begun, as the tears in my eyes reveal.  I had not yet started to think of not being with Stephanie as we thought we'd be together in Germany.  That will be very hard.  But God is so GOOD and has provided me with so many friends here who I don't have to leave.  I may get in trouble for not mentioning all of them, but one for sure stands out in my mind.  I am so glad I get to be by Corie's side as she begins her first deployment.  Not that I am all that helpful, but I can do some babysitting, for sure!  I love her with a deep love that comes from God.  It was immediate and strong, and I know God put her here for me.  She has been such a blessing to me and I can only pray that the Lord finds unique ways to bless her through me.  

To sum up my current feelings on not moving, I am just a bit disappointed that that adventure is going to be put on hold (because in the Army, it is never far away) but overwhelmingly excited that I get to stay in the place I love, with people I love, and most of all WITH MY ABSOLUTELY HANDSOME PRINCE CHARMING!   

I must write this.  Last night I was watching "The Prince and Me II" and I was swept away in the romance of it all.  At the end where the Prince-turned-king kisses his bride, I thought, "Oh, nice pants...I love a man in uniform."  Then it hit me.  I actually DO love a man in uniform, and it looks a bit like that one!  I love to go out with Matt at any time, but put him in his dress blues and my heart starts flipping all over the place!  My fairy tale came true, and I never dreamed that a dashing uniform would be part of it!  

Not long now and he'll be boarding a plane for Kuwait.  I guess I will give you the breakdown of what we are expecting:

4 FEB - leave Baghdad (Camp Liberty) for Kuwait.  Short flight.

He could be in Kuwait for 36 hours 

8 FEB - leave Kuwait - if all goes well, it is about a 24 hour journey from Kuwait to Colorado Springs.  He'll have a few stops and we're praying they are SHORT stops!

10 FEB - Arrive here in CO!  It could be earlier, could be later.  I have no way of knowing.  He might arrive in the middle of the night and the boys and I will pop out of bed and go to the Special Events Center to welcome our Hero home!   You can bet I'll update then!

Carson, a door, and some glue...

Tonight I was sitting for a friend while she presented some information to other Army wives about Military Etiquette. I had my sons, ages 7, 5, and 4, plus her sons, ages 4 and 1. We had a good time playing outside while our dinner was cooking away in the oven. The bigger boys rode scooters while little Jack rode in his stroller. After our last trip down the road I sent them all inside.

 

Corie's door that enters the house from the garage has a MASSIVELY strong spring. One kid entered the house and kept on walking. Carson, not knowing to watch out for a quickly-shutting door, walked right into the door. It hit him square on the forehead, causing a small gash. It bled like you wouldn't believe, but with this being our second head wound, that didn't freak me out. We entered the house to grab something to stop the bleeding, and once I handed him a paper towel with instructions to press hard, I sent the two 4-year-olds upstairs. They are buddies and went nicely. Hayden stayed downstairs to keep Jackson entertained. Carson sat patiently while I removed the pizza from the oven (but kept sneaking peeks at the bloody napkin, which allowed more blood to soak onto his pants...oh well...).

 

After 30 minutes or so had passed, the bleeding had slowed, but it was still wet. I didn't feel comfortable NOT taking him to be seen, so I took Jackson next door to their neighbor's house (they trade sitting) and drove to the house where Corie was because there was a nurse there. She said it looked like it might need a stitch or two, so I then took Aidan to the same house where his brother was, and then took Hayden and Bailey to MY neighbor's house.

 

Let me say this: I LOVE the military community. There is never a second where I wonder what I will do in case of an emergency. We really all do take care of each other, and I am thankful for Maddie (sp) and TJ.

 

Before I went to the hospital I stopped by a friend's house. She was hosting the "Saturday-night-deployed-wives-get-together" thing. I knew there were a bunch of women who would pray for my little man. (I also called my parents and had them praying. Since I live only a mile from the hospital, I didn't have time to call anyone else...LOVE FACEBOOK MOBILE UPDATES!) The sweet ladies there put their hands on Carson and prayed for healing. They also prayed for a speedy and easy trip to the ER.

 

This was the BEST ER visit I've ever had, and we've had our share. The lady at the front desk was nice, smiled, and talked TO HIM, which was a big deal. Then she came and checked on him while we waited. The nurses who took his information were pleasant and friendly. Then the PA's who treated him were gentle and funny. They joked with him, told him what was going on, and praised him for being so brave. He never cried or really complained. When the glue burned, he said, "There's something pokey on me!" and the PA said, "Darn those pokey things!" Just kept him at ease the whole time.

 

SO pleased with the evening I will probably go back Monday and make a formal "compliment" (do not read as complaint...I have had to do that at this hospital before).

 

A neat idea I had last February when I was visiting family and friends in NC...take your laptop and some movies. This keeps the kids entertained and their minds off the upcoming procedure. Tonight we watched part of Minnesota Cuke while waiting. It's a great thing to have distraction, plus it gives them something to do since I won't let them touch the germ-infested toys they have in the waiting room. (GROSS!)

 

Thanks for the prayers and concerns!

~Jennifer (and Carson, of course!)

 

From One Adventure to Another

So we stand here at the end of one adventure and the beginning of another. Matt is due to come home in just a couple of weeks after being in Iraq for over 14 months. We are ready to end that adventure, though the time has been truly blessed. We have already begun the next adventure...our journey to bring a daughter into our home! As I write, we have filled out the preliminary application for Bethany Christian Services. Our next step is a physical and blood tests which will determine whether or not China will even accept us as an adoptive family. Soon I will write the journey we've taken this point in how we chose China, but now is not the time.

We are so excited about this adventure and pray that you will join us in prayer. I know God has His perfect timing and that with my finite mind, I can't even comprehend what He has in store for us, but I know His plan is going to be amazing!

We love you!
~Jennifer, Matt, and the "three big brothers"